...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
