I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
