he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
