I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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