There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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