If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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