I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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