I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize