So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
