he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
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I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
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Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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