I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
