I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The air was thick with penises
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..