A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.