And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
