no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
