I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize