I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
