u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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