I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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