My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
