Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
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I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
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Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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