put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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