I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Come back. Shots need mouths.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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