we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
