so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
