Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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