Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
