the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
