i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
