Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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