do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
