Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Randomize
