if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
