i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
