you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
