is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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