we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
