the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
