i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
