You really coming over, don't trick.
I just pynch a tree in the face
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
