I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
