it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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