Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
