Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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