found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
