Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
