all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
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The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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