I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
