True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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