using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
