??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
