i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
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