Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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