I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
