dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
