I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
