i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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