I love black thongs
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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