I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
