I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
