eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
