ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
