it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
