Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
even my farts smell like vagina
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
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