Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize