You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
