just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
