He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
