remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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