Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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